WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION-THAT HURTS!

Time for a new non-Debbie Downer post. But first off, thanks again for all the cards, phone calls, emails, support, etc. over the past few days about my gpa. I'm doing ok, still get a little sad but I'm trying to stay positive.

On a lighter note, I stubbed the crap outta my toe tonight. It hurt, and it hurt bad. I'll admit it. It was my pinky toe. I say was because it has since then fallen off from the pain & the ice I've applied (I hope you all know I am just kidding). After numbing the pain, I was able to laugh about the situation; albeit weakly laughed, but I was trying to find some humor in the situation. I would've swore that Newton wrote a law involving stubbing your toe but alas, I couldn't find anything. What I DID find was hilarious & I just have to share. I will include the link if you'd like to read the article in all of its glory but copy & paste suits me just fine.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2795890/the_art_of_stubbing_your_toe.html?cat=60


I stubbed my toe the other night. No. Let me re-phrase that. I didn't stub my toe; I STUBBED MY TOE! I was in the kitchen in the dark, and I stubbed my freaking toe on an extremely immovable corner of a door jamb. It hurt. I mean it hurt BAD...but not at first. It was one of those times when you do the dumb thing, and then you wait for the pain, and you know it is coming, and you brace yourself because there is no doubt in your mind that it is going to be excruciating!

I leaned my body up against the refrigerator, waiting for Demon Pain to come and play his sadistic tune on my body. He didn't disappoint me. The first stirrings of pain welled up, slowly at first, in the innards of my right foot, and then they EXPLODED on my consciousness like a raging tsunami of liquid fire! It hurt like Hell!

How did it happen, you ask? I was just walking across the kitchen floor in the pitch dark like I have done, oh, I don't know, a million times before. I was in a hurry because the floor was cold and I had nothing on my feet. And suddenly, my toe smashed into the door jamb in mid-stride. I heard and felt the sickening crunch. I yelped involuntarily.

As the pain came surging up my leg, I remember hobbling around the kitchen, tripping over the stupid dog, and crying out in shock and agony. Mary was upstairs, and she heard my shout. I could hear the alarm in her voice when she called down, "Are you all right??!!" I also heard that same alarm drain out of her voice when I hoarsely answered her by saying that I had stubbed my freaking toe and that it was either broken or severed from the rest of my body. Her response? "Oh! Well, make sure the back door is locked before you come to bed."

Women really don't understand pain like this. They really don't. They have all they can do just dealing with minor twinges like, oh, for instance, labor pains and childbirth. They don't have any idea what real pain is! Mary NEVER stubs her toe, because she never walks around downstairs with the light off and with nothing on her feet.

With white-hot pain coursing through my body, I somehow managed to make it to a light switch. I hesitated before turning the light on. What if I had severed my toe? What if, when I turned the light on, I found my
mangled toe in the middle of the floor, twitching like a dying fish in fresh pool of blood? I thought about this for a moment, then, mustering all of my masculine courage, I flicked the switch.

When light flooded the room, I saw that my toe was still attached to my foot. Much to my surprise and, I must say, to my disappointment, there was not a drop of blood or carnage anywhere! The toenail was still intact. There wasn't even any redness or bruising. The toe
wasn't perpendicular to the rest of the toes or anything like that! It looked perfectly normal, belying all of the raging malevolence that was roiling under the skin! I hobbled up the stairs like a blind beggar in a wind storm and made my way to the bed. I sat on my side of the mattress and gingerly pulled my grievously injured foot under the covers. Even the weight of the sheet on the throbbing toe brought on waves of agony. A lesser person would have gone mad from the pain!

I laid my sweating head on my pillow. Mary, without even looking up from her novel, asked, " How's the toe?" "I think it's busted," I softly whimpered. She nodded, turned back to her book and asked, "Did you lock the back door?" I closed my eyes, swallowed twice, nodded and lied, "Of course I locked the freaking (not really "freaking") door!"

She didn't care. She didn't want to look at it. She didn't even notice how brave I was being! "Fine!" I remember mumbling to myself. "The next time she tears her freaking ACL, see if she gets any sympathy from me!" The next morning, I was gratified to see that the toe had indeed turned a blackish, purple-ish, greenish hue, and it was swollen to the size of one of those party mini-hot dogs. I couldn't WAIT to show it to Mary! NOW she would feel sorry for me!

When she looked at it, her response was, "Wow! It really looks sore!" Then she went about her business without another word about my foot! I was incredulous! That was it? That was all the sympathy I was going to get? IT LOOKS SORE?!?!?!? That's like hearing a nuclear blast and saying, "My! That was kind of loud!"

It didn't look just sore! It looked mangled and ugly and excruciating, like a big, throbbing, pulsing eggplant at the end of my foot! She SHOULD have thought that it looked like it was broken into five pieces! She SHOULD have said, "Why aren't you dissolved into tears of agony and flailing around like a baby on ice skates, the way I would be if that were my toe, you big, wonderful, macho man, you??!!

If you are a woman, and you're reading this, I JUST KNOW what you are thinking right now! You're thinking, "Men are such infants when it comes to being sick or being in pain!" Yeah? Well, the next time you need a bug squashed or a jar opened, go ask your sister to do it for you! I'm telling you that this thing hurt like Hell!


Ahh, I got a good laugh outta that because I can CERTAINLY relate! Anyways, not much else going on, might have to get my toe amputated but we'll save that for another day. I am getting somewhat excited about vacation! Not this weekend but the next we will be heading out for the sunshine state. I'm not as worried about the oil but I am just ready to get there & have my fears calmed. I had a friend go to FL this past weekend & I was able to ask her if she saw any oil on the beaches & she said she hadn't seen a drop. WOOOHOOO!!

Hmmmm, like I said, not much else going on, work has been about the same. Trying to stay busy. I was talking to my aunt yesterday & she asked how work was going. I told her I was kind of bored because I didn't have any work to do & she thought that was good thing lol. Which I guess in a way is! Hope everyone is doing good & no more stubbed toes!